I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
