bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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