Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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