Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
