all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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