Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
