Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
