I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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