the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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