Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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