Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
