Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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