I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
