i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
