I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
