oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
