Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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