Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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