i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
