he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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