i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
