You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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