Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
