listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
