its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
