I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
