every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
