Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
