He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
