I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
