If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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