As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
