I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
