Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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