I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
