Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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