there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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