hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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