Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
