Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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