I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize