I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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