Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
