Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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