i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
