My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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