It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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