Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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