My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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