He disabled his match.com account in front of me
zippers are such a cool invention
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize