There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
