dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just invented taco cereal.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
