capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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