that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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