Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
