2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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