yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
