Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
