god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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