There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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