i really wish james franco would like my vagina
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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