did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
