you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
