I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
