your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
