haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
