escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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