I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
