We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
