dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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