this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
