moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
