i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is classic penis vs brain.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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